Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
