Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
