coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
