I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
