ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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