I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
