so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
