keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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