I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
