Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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