Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
