And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
