I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
