guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
