Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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