you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
