Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
