And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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