i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
