My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
