This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
