I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
