After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
