ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let's get the cat blown out
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