i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
