dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
