I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
