Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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