Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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