Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
