dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
