im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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