I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
