the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
