Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
