all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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