Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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