what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
