fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
