2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
