News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
