drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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