made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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