Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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