so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
