I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
