Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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