I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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