3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
