I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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