then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
